In one of those seasons of my life that I have a love/hate relationship with. My flesh is resisting to conform to God’s will, while the Spirit is pleading with God to change my selfish heart and become more like Jesus. It’s been back and forth like this for a long while, but I know it will remain this way until the Spirit stifles the pride within me. Feeling frustrated one day, and then at peace the next. So. Many. Feels. But this is all a part of God’s beautiful plan and if that means me breaking a little, I can handle that <3
I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve felt like giving up. How many times I’ve begged and pleaded to God to ease my suffering through hardships. But now I’m realizing how blessed I really am to experience all that I have. I am blessed because I am learning to love God, to trust God, and to know God with all of my heart. And that thought doesn’t make me feel so alone.
God is really funny in how He works, seriously. I have prayed recently for Him to help me to love others like the way He loves us because I lack in that area so much. I am selfish and have a hard time controlling my temper at home with my family. So what does God do? He is giving me people who constantly need my help, He is giving me people who annoy me, and is keeping me busy so that I’m burnt out by the end of the day. God is so faithful though and He disciplines those He loves so that they can grow. Sometimes I get so excited just at the thought of how God is going to use me with all of this. I know in my heart that God is preparing me for something so great. Not for my benefit, but to glorify Him. And I can just picture in my mind all of the desires of my heart being fulfilled. Right now, I am leaning so much on God that my desires pale in comparison. I’m glad I’m FINALLY getting to the point where Jesus is enough to satisfy me. Seek God earnestly and He will seek you.
Not too long ago, I saw a guy I grew up with at church camp when I was at a ladies rally. His dad is a preacher at the church where the rally was at. His family is realllly involved in the church, so he was there watching the kids in the nursery. I haven’t seen him in a while, but would occasionally see him a few times here and there the last few years. I always thought he was cute and we actually had crushes on each other way back in the day when we were youngins! Over the years though I kinda forgot about him and thought he was out of my league because of insecurity. When I saw him recently, I was just blown away by how attractive he is. It is a rarity that a guy will actually take my breath away. It wasn’t just his looks that drew me to him, but also how he sacrificed his time to help serve at a ladies rally. Needless to say, I went back to that church a few nights later because there was a revival going on. Sure enough, he was on stage playing the guitar and leading the worship service. I about melted on the floor. I had told my mom recently that what I desire in a husband is a Godly leader with a heart for God, a musician, a man who loves kids, and a man that shares my same beliefs on scripture. My mom had also been praying that a Godly man would come into my life shortly after I ended it with my ex. So, with all of that put into perspective, it seems like my encounters with him haven’t been a coincidence. I prayed for peace and wisdom about the whole situation and have tried not to interject my selfish desires into my prayers, but instead asked for God’s will to be done. For some reason, I feel that this time everything is different. Before with my ex, I really wasn’t seeking God’s will, but seeking my own instead. I was naive and ignorant. Most importantly, I would always ignore the convictions from the Holy Spirit telling me that something was not right. It seems crazy, but I believe God has shown me my husband. God knows the desires of my heart and they were all displayed in him. Pretty odd, but I believe in the power of prayer and faith. All I know is that if I continue putting God first in my life, He WILL be faithful in providing me with a Godly husband. Scripture promises that :) Psalm 37:4 - “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” <3
So my ex boyfriend/fiance and I talked the other night, which doesn’t happen very often anymore. We talked about what God’s been doing through the whole situation. He said something really disturbing to me and it’s been replaying in my mind ever since: “I’m just afraid that I’m one of those people who will fall away and never really had true faith to begin with.” UM. Hello? The reason why we’re not together is because he was so “secure” in what he believed and knew that to be the truth. Now he’s questioning his salvation? I know I should be glad that he said that, because he finally might be digging himself out of the misleading calvinist doctrine, but it still made me mad. It really is unbelievable how confusing and frightening that theology is. When you’re questioning your faith and can’t discern if you have “real faith,” that is a problem. Praying for him that he will be led to the truth. Not for my sake, but for his.
Like how does someone go from practically becoming a wife to just nothing in a period of a few months and pretend that everything’s ok? Cause life isn’t ok right now and every day gets more and more challenging. All I can do is hold on to my faith in God with weak hands.
2 and a half years of memories is all I have now. No more nightly phone calls, sweet text messages, holding hands, kisses, or I love yous. At least I can walk away knowing that we gave it everything we had. We loved each other in such an intimate way that most couples will never experience. As tears roll down my face, I try to remind myself that God builds my character the most when I so desperately need Him. I think of Job and how he lost literally everything in his life, but yet he still praised God. I can only hope that this growing process will help me develop an unshakeable faith.
I really can’t wrap my ahead around the fact that there are people in this world that go through life without believing in God. I struggle all of the time with my faith, even though I have the Holy Spirit. It’s just hard to imagine living with no belief and relying on yourself to get through trials. I am so weak without God.
Read this passage in James chapter 2 tonight. It spoke to me in volumes and this is the reason why simply believing in God will not save us. Praise God for revealing this truth in His word.
14 What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? 15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
18 But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”
Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. 19 You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.
20 You foolish person, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless[d]? 21 Was not our father Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar?22 You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. 23 And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,”[e] and he was called God’s friend. 24 You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone.
25 In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction? 26 As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.
We are saved by God’s grace through faith. Faith alone? No. If we have faith, but no works, our faith is dead. The same goes for doing good deeds. If there is no faith there, the good works are meaningless. So, that refutes the whole “we are saved by faith alone” belief.